Saturday, April 17, 2010

Knock, Knock – Who’s there? Social Worker!

Okay, truth be told – I’m not often nervous about anything. However, the moment the phone rang, to set up an appointment with our Social Worker, my heart flittered!  What will she ask? Is the house clean? Since she was arriving at noon, what shall we serve for lunch? Umm….I can hear Walmart calling my name! At this point, my phone dials itself to Gerry’s office, my stepmother’s home, and a direct Google chat with my supervisor at work! Oh yes, it’s also true that I’m having conversations with our dogs throughout the entire day. They do listen for a cookie or two!

It’s funny how things start to change without even noticing it. There was a time that I would have to have “everything just right.” Seriously challenging my thoughts on being obsessed with perfection. Perfection was not needed. Not today. Not yesterday or tomorrow.  Perfection is found in being authentic, not only with the Social Worker, but with ourselves.  In fact, a new friend of ours said something really power that changed my perspective on life. She said,  “I need to laugh, enjoy my life and to stop and smell all the flowers, not just the roses.” I did just that. I dusted the house and admired not the physical things we had to offer, but the love that filled our home. I cleaned the bathroom and thought about the children living in Haiti; knowing that we lived like Queens to have running water. Dust? Not a problem!

Our Social Worker arrived just “a little late” as Gerry and I anxiously paced throughout the house.  I knew Gerry would be upstairs folding laundry (nervous but productive reaction!) while I quickly organized the papers on my desk. (Okay - I was fidgety) I was flying by each room glancing at our family photos of whom we love so very much.  I was wondering if we would be as diligent as others with baby photos and videos to share on Facebook. Surely, we can do it all! Well, perhaps with a little bit of help from our family and family of choice! (Please send chocolate now!)

As the doorbell rang, the dogs went insane; barking like they knew something, we didn’t. It’s almost as if they were saying, “get the flippn door – she’s here!” Our Social Worker walked through the door and I felt as though I had instantly known her. Her “energy” just radiated with positive everything. As we informally started to make sandwiches, I watched the dogs as they creatively positioned themselves for a snack or two. Ha!! Never ending in our house.

We sat down at the kitchen table and our moments of sharing began. She asked questions about our childhood, schooling, parenting style, work and briefly reviewed our finances. Her demeanor was kind, loving, knowledgeable and understanding. As Gerry was reminiscing our ten (10) years together, I can began to feel my eyes well up with tears. Seriously? Crying now? Oh God, I truly feel pregnant without being pregnant! What is up with that!! Anyhow, that was the very instant I realized, every moment of love that we experienced together was now manifesting for others to see. We always knew others could see our “connection” but whoa – here it was – all in Technicolor!

Our time with the Social Worker had ended and we set up another appointment to meet again in two weeks. We have “homework” where we need to provide our biography and answer 11 different questions about our childhood, parents and work environment, to name a few. I looked at Gerry as the Social Worker got into her car and it was as if she glowed. I’m really not sure how to explain this other than I was reminded how impactful and important our love is to each other. And, to be able to share that love with a child is the most beautiful thing I can think of these days. We walked back into our home, shut the door and let out a humungous breath. Yes, there really is more than just roses; there are flowers everywhere if you close your eyes and allow it.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Dirty Socks & All

We’ve been waiting what seems like an eternity to begin blogging adoption updates. Certainly a good analogy is one of a cruise ship making a sharp left turn. Well, as long as we stay afloat, we are in good shape! =) Last Wednesday the Home Study organization submitted our petition to the Pinal County Superior Court. Finally! We are hopeful that the Social Worker will call next week and set up our initial appointment. We provided all of the personal information, which included everything from our birth certificates and tax returns to our fingerprints, work history and references. We’re told that our references will shortly be receiving letters asking to verify our character, etc.; Just a quick shout out to thank each and every one of you! Please don’t tell them about the about time when I got my hair caught in the big wheel. What kind of five year old would I have been? We undoubtedly wouldn’t want them to know about the donkey that followed Gerry to the school bathroom. Certainly, some things are just better left unsaid. LOL!

All kidding aside, as each day passes, I feel this need to connect with other parents. Not necessarily to discuss parenting skills and/or lesbian parenting rhetoric.  Nope. I just want to share in their joy.  Perhaps some will read this blog and want to throw their hands in the air while mumbling, “be careful for what you wish for.” But you see, often times we forget to realize how very abundant we are. Now I’m not talking about money, although cash makes life much easier. I’m talking about sheer unconditional love we have in our lives. What does this mean? This means “that when we say we love someone, we mean it without strings attached;” Dirty socks & all.

As we continue to wait for the process to move forward, I can’t help but to ask, is our child conceived yet? What kind of environment is the birth mother living in? Are she and the baby okay? My head surely spins!! LOL If I could send telepathic waves, I would say, “everything is going to be okay. You are unconditionally loved before you were even born. Yes, dirty socks & all!”  So my friends, here is my plea - As time passes, and our child becomes a teenager, remind me that laundry is NOT what is important. Remind me that work doesn’t define who we are, but rather what we do. Remind me that love can really overcome any obstacle. AND – remind me that it’s those unconditional moments of love, that needs to be remembered the most.

Love, Kim & Gerry